Each generation has its own struggles and challenges. Even if the members of a certain generation don’t have everything in common, they often face collective challenges because of how they were raised and the time they grew up in. There have been a lot of conversations online about the challenges the younger generations face. However, one thing that many people aren’t talking about is why so many Gen X grandparents are raising their grandchildren.
When Reddit user u/lisaloo20m asked the people in r/GenX “How many of you are raising your grandchildren and why??” they realized many Gen X grandparents are facing the same struggle. Here are some of the responses as to why this is occurring.
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“Not raising but have them several times a week to stay over and take a huge interest in helping raise them. Why? For so many reasons but the best one is I get to relive my youth again. Introducing them to the great outdoors is my biggest joy.”
This Reddit user showed us a positive side of this scenario. Even though the user expressed that they’re not raising their grandchildren, they talked about the joy of being an active part of their lives.
“We have two of our three grandchildren approx 50% of the time because our daughter has a mental illness that makes parenting difficult at times. They are 12 and 10.”
Another Reddit user pointed out that they have a very active role in the lives of their grandchildren, taking care of them about half the time. The reason behind this scenario is their daughter’s struggle with mental illness.
“52f and my oldest is 31. She has two toddlers now and i see them as often as possible…they live about 1,000 miles away. When my kids were little, we lived about 1,200 miles away from my mother and she would talk about how badly she missed my kids when she couldn't visit or we weren't able to go to her. I now experience that exact pain… and let me say, my mom knew what she was talking about.”
Reddit user u/ThisMustBeFakeMine expressed the pain that comes with not being able to see her grandchildren often. Living 1,000 miles away makes it difficult for her to get time with her grandchildren and now she understands the pain her own mother expressed about living far away.
“Helping to raise my 5yo grandson. I get him 3 days a week since he's been 4 months old. It helps his mom out.”
For some Gen X grandparents, the answer to why they’re raising or helping raise their grandchildren is simple: because it helps out their children. These grandparents understand that being a parent isn’t easy, especially in the modern world and they want to offer their children the support they need to thrive as parents.
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“I’m raising my 5 yo grandson with my husband because my daughter has bpd and is not able to care for him alone rn. Her ex is an addict and though he’s been trying and stays sober a lot, it’s inconsistent and I cannot trust him with the boy alone.
He visits his other grandparents every other weekend, and my daughter has some visitation so I do get some time but not much!”
Many users in the thread expressed that they’re raising their grandchildren because their parents are unable to care for them. In this user’s case, she expressed that she’s raising her grandchildren with her husband because her daughter isn’t able to care for them alone. Another common theme was the lack of support or lack of a second parent in the household.
“I’m flying 1,300 miles to help my oldest when she delivers twins. I may never go home.”
Many of the Reddit users who expressed that they have grandchildren seemed eager to help raise them. Another user said that they’re flying over 1,000 miles to help their oldest child and that there’s a good possibility they may never come back.
“Due to parents drug addiction”
Another Reddit user in the thread echoed the sentiment of raising their grandchildren because of the addition of the parents. Many Gen X grandparents expressed that their children were either struggling with addiction or mental illness and couldn’t raise their kids on their own.
“I am raising m[y] grands my son passed so I have two of his and my daughter went off the rails when he passed and I have hers too .it's been 5 years”
For some users, tragedy is the reason they ended up raising their grandchildren. One user expressed that they’re raising two of their son’s children because he passed. Additionally, their other child had a difficult time with his passing and they’re also raising her children.
“I am raising 3 grands aged 12, 8, and 7 because my daughter is a drug addict. This is my 2nd time having custody of them. I am in the process of adopting them.”
Another Gen X grandparent is now in the process of adopting their grandchildren because their child is unable to care for them. After taking over the responsibility of caring for three children twice, they decided to adopt them because of their daughter’s drug addiction.
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“Oldish GenXer and retired teacher. Around here, there are many people my age or younger who are raising their grandchildren. Mostly because of teen pregnancies and addiction issues. I (54) have a 31 year old and a 23 year old. I have at least one former classmate who is expecting a great-grand shortly. It’s wild to even contemplate!”
While not every Gen Xer in the thread is raising grandchildren of their own, some expressed that they know other Gen X grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. More often than not, the reason behind it is addiction or teen pregnancy and both scenarios require a lot of assistance from the grandparents.
“I’m (48 m) my wife is 52 and we’re raising a grandson and granddaughter 4 & 5. The why is because I love them. Their mom is insane. I’m afraid of what would happen to them if they only had their mom to rely on. Their mom is constantly moving around with Lord knows who at any given time. She’s type 1 bipolar who refuses to take medication or seek therapy.”
One Reddit user put it very simply by saying, “The why is because I love them.” After they realized their grandchildren’s mom was incapable of raising her children well because of mental illness and lack of treatment, this user decided to take on the role gladly out of love for their grandchildren.
“We are raising 2 granddaughters, ages 15 and 7. Have had them for 4 years now. So hard emotionally, physically and financially. I struggle daily with my emotions over this.”
While many expressed the joy of having grandchildren nearby or even raising them, other Reddit users were honest about the struggles that come along with this scenario. One user who expressed that they’re currently raising two of their granddaughters talked about how difficult it is to be raising young children at this age, not to mention how difficult it is financially.
“Grandchildren?! I'm not prepared for children yet. Either financially or mentally.”
Many Gen Xers in the comment did relate to the scenario of raising their grandchildren. However, there were also many Gen Xers who either expressed that they’re not even close to having grandchildren because their own kids are still in elementary or middle school or they expressed that they don’t have any kids of their own.
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