I Used to Allow Unsupervised Playdates, But These 10 Safety Concerns Changed My Approach

Playdates. Some parents love them; others dread them. While playdates have been a massive part of society over the last several decades, more and more parents are choosing not to partake in playdates. This doesn't mean they don't get together with other adults and host a playdate where both parents are. Instead, parents choose to say no to unsupervised playdates where children are dropped off and later picked up by them. Let's explore why parents say no and the questions you should ask before considering an unsupervised playdate.

The number one concern for parents regarding playdates is their child being left unsupervised. With a lack of supervision, children are more susceptible to coming across something they shouldn't, engaging in unsafe behavior, or being exposed to inappropriate behavior or content.

Whether or not parents let their child go to an unsupervised playdate is a personal choice and is determined by several factors. These include how close they are with the family, level of trust, and how old the child is. However, like anything, there will always be some level of concern. Here are the top concerns of parents who have decided to say no to unsupervised playdates.

The number one concern of parents is the exposure to certain risks. Since you don't know what is happening in another person's home, there's always the chance a child will be exposed to things that will make you and them uncomfortable.

One of these concerns is exposure to inappropriate language. This includes crude or sexual language or cursing.

To go along with inappropriate language is the potential exposure to inappropriate content or conversations.

Sometimes, adults talk openly in front of children, even about topics that aren't for their ears. Additionally, the home may not have the same content rules as you or be tightly monitored. There's a chance your child will be exposed to content that is violent or inappropriate.

Kids are risk-takers. If a child is left unsupervised during this playdate, there's a higher risk of injury. This concerns parents because they don't know what their child is doing or what is readily available for them to get into.

Before you say that's just helicopter parenting, many concerns stem from not knowing whether or not the adult in charge will be attentive and mindful.

Even supervised children may find a way to do something they shouldn't. Many parents are concerned with cyberbullying or the ability to get online in an unsafe way. If online activity isn't monitored tightly for children, they can quickly become exposed to something they shouldn't be or even become susceptible to a predator.

Sure, you may know the family, but who is coming and going from their house? Do their kids have any older friends? Are uncles, aunts, and grandparents coming and going? Sure, not every adult is an unsafe person. But there are unsafe people out there.

Studies show that abuse is more commonly done by someone the child knows and trusts. Parents must stay diligent when determining where a child can be unsupervised. If that makes you a helicopter parent, then that's okay. Your job is to protect your child.

The younger the child is, the less likely they are to have conflict resolution skills. Furthermore, it often depends on the child's personality and temperament. Some children are more readily able to say no to a situation or be able to remove themselves. Others may go along with the crowd because they don't want to cause a fuss.

This can put a child in a tricky position because they may not know how to stop or report events like bullying, inappropriate or unsafe behavior, or peer pressure.

Another main concern of parents when it comes to unsupervised playdates is what kind of access their children will have. We touched on the access to inappropriate content, but another concern is access to medications and harmful substances.

There's no way of really knowing if a family has medications put away safely or if they have harmful substances lying around. If your child comes across it, is curious, or even pressured to take it, they could be badly hurt or worse.

Guns can be a hot topic, but either way, if you own a gun, it should always be safely locked up, especially when children are around. All it takes is a couple of seconds for a young child to get a hold of one that wasn't securely locked up to change their life and your life forever.

Dogs and cats can make great pets. However, that doesn't mean they aren't unpredictable. If a dog is scared or nervous around a new child, it could lash out and hurt your child. It's always best to be safe.

Many children have food allergies or specific dietary requirements. Sure, you can let the parents know, but that doesn't always mean they will remember, take it seriously, or pay attention to the ingredients in a snack.

Furthermore, not every child will be able to remember 'oh hey, I have a food allergy." It makes sense that parents would be worried about their child accidentally eating something that could cause a terrible reaction. You can prepare for this by packing your child's snacks and explaining why to the parents.

Sometimes, when our children are invited to a playdate, a tiny sliver of panic may shoot through us. This is especially true if you don't know the family well. Furthermore, asking questions may feel intimidating because we don't want to offend anyone. Yet, it's better to ask and prepare so you have all the information you can before making a decision. Here are several questions you should ask before letting your child go on a playdate:

• Is there a pool where you are going to be? Is it easily accessible?
• Is there a trampoline?
• Do you have screen time and media rules/restrictions?
• Do you have pets? How are they with children?
• Are there any guns in your home?
• Who will be watching the kids?
• What activities will they be doing?
• Discuss any allergies or food restrictions for both families.

If you have gotten an invitation to an unsupervised playdate and decided you want to decline politely, here are a couple of ways to do so:

• Say thank you, but your child isn't available that day.
• Be sure to extend gratitude.
• Be honest and explain (if you want.)
• Ask to get together at a public place instead, like the park.
• Explain that you don't want to miss out on much-needed family time.  

Playdates can be a great way for kids to get together. Yet, the safety of your child comes first. That means being concerned with where they are going and who will be there regularly as a parent. Safety should always come first, and instead of feeling pressure to send your child to an unsupervised playdate, offer to meet up somewhere with the kids. After all, parents need friends too.