When it comes to rewarding grades and behavior, there is a fine line that all parents need to walk. You do not want to find yourself slipping into the chasm of bribery, but you do want your child to know when you are proud of them and that there are unexpected benefits to working hard at doing well.
Positive reinforcement is a very important part of learning and development, after all. If your child receives nothing but negative feedback, then their self-esteem may be damaged and they might learn to seek out and respond solely to the negative attention that you are giving them. It is important to reward your child when they make the correct choices, but the key to successfully sending the message you choose is to do so correctly.
Shifting the Focus From Rewards to Celebrations
The time-honored tradition of paying children to achieve good grades may actually be harming rather than helping them. Though many parents believe that motivating children to perform well with ‘wages' will have a positive effect on their grades or behavior, this may not always be the case.
Sometimes, a child is more likely to lose interest in a task or goal that they are being paid to accomplish than one who attempts the same task or goal simply to accomplish it. Instead of teaching their child to expect payment, which can escalate as the child learns to use the system against the parent, parents instead help them celebrate their hard work and accomplishments.
Establish some sort of tradition that you do with your child whenever they bring home good grades or achieve something else of comparable significance. Perhaps you go to their favorite restaurant, or you take a trip to their favorite play place or other location. Or, you take them to a place they only go to when they get good grades or achieve something else. By giving them the reward of a happy experience when they do something grand, you'll reward them without causing them to grow apathetic about the reward.
Keep Praise and Rewards Reasonable
It is normal to want to praise and reward your child for doing well, but in order to help your child continue achieving, try to restrict yourself to certain rules and behaviors. Let your child know how happy and proud you are as well as how happy and proud they should be about their accomplishments. Share these positive feelings with other friends and family members.
Your child will remember the good feelings and associate them with their success. Don't think that you cannot do something nice for your child when they achieve, either. Just try to make it a spontaneous shared experience rather than a wad of cash. Remember also to make sure that you do not reward every achievement; you do not want to teach your child to expect a reward, just to appreciate one.
As your child grows older, they will begin to experience situations where they do something good or well and are not rewarded for it. While this isn't always fair, it's a part of life that your child will need to get used to. In order to prepare them for this, you can refrain from rewarding them for certain small achievements. For example, when they get a great grade on their homework, simply praise them and tell them you're proud of them. Save the rewards for great test grades and good report cards.
Sending the Right Message with Rewards
Most importantly of all when it comes to rewarding your child's good grades and behavior is sending the right message. Do not praise your child's intelligence when they succeed; instead, focus on their effort. Praise good habits, the ones that lead to good grades and behaviors, rather than the grades and behaviors themselves. Take care to teach your child that you respect their work rather than an arbitrary number or letter.
If you do not, you could find that your child will try to hold on to your praise by restricting themselves from activities and challenges for fear of failing and losing their rewards. If they are unable to achieve a certain grade on something or fail at a given task, they may begin to doubt themselves and you'll see their self-esteem fall. Grades are not the end-all, be-all in life; the effort and work your child puts in is always more important.
You also do not want to over-praise your child. If you shower your child with too much praise when they achieve something, the praise will either become hollow or you'll encourage arrogance in your child. Keep the praise you give proportionate to the achievement your child has made. For example, doing well on a chapter test is a smaller achievement than winning Student of the Month. They both deserve praise, but one deserves a higher degree of praise than the other.