13 Parenting Moves That Are Screwing Up Your Kids

Comparing Your Kid to Others

While it may seem obvious that we shouldn’t compare our children to other kids or even their siblings, it can sometimes happen without us realizing it. At the time, we may not think about the impact this could have on our child. When you compare your child to someone else, you might think you’re giving them a good example of how they should behave.

However, this can lead to significant issues that cause your child to believe they’re not good enough. This comparison often happens when our child is doing something wrong, but it’s important not to compare them to others even when you’re saying something positive. This can lead to your child having unrealistic expectations about their own behavior or believing that they can’t ever make a mistake.

Talking Badly About Your Kid in Front of Them

As a parent, you’re going to become frustrated with your child’s behavior at some point. If you have a child who’s struggling with their behavior, it may happen more often than you’d like. Even in those moments of frustration, it’s important to pay attention to how you speak about your child, especially if they’re listening.

While your child may seem like they’re acting like a brat, venting your frustration when they’re in earshot is going to impact their self-esteem. While a child may be acting bad in that moment, we don’t want our children to believe that they are bad. When correcting them, focus on their behavior, not who they are as a person.

Punishing All Your Children for One Child’s Behavior

When you have multiple children, there’s no doubt that it’s not always the fault of one child when mischief happens. At times, you may end up punishing them all for what one child did. However, when you know only one child has misbehaved, it’s important to avoid punishing their siblings for their misbehavior.

Contrary to what some parents believe, instead of encouraging good behavior, this can lead to resentment between siblings. If one child consistently struggles to behave then it may be time to deal with their behavior individually.

Dismissing Their Problems

As adults, the problems of our children can sometimes seem insignificant. Toddlers and young children are still learning self-control and how to regulate their emotions, which can make it difficult for them to handle even minor inconveniences. 

Instead of dismissing the problems of our children, it’s important to validate their emotions and let them know that it’s okay to be upset or disappointed. This doesn’t mean it’s okay for them to lash out with their words or physical actions, but knowing that they have a safe space to let out their feelings is essential for their emotional and mental health. This is true of older children as well.

Never Giving Them Space

There’s often a fine line between giving our children too little space and giving them too much space. We need to keep an eye on our children, especially when they’re young and need our guidance constantly, but never giving them space isn’t helpful either.

As they start to become older and more independent, our children need to have space to make decisions on their own within certain boundaries. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be involved in the lives of our children, but giving them some space to make mistakes on their own can help them build confidence in themselves.

Mocking the Things They’re Interested In

Many of the things our kids are interested in may not be interesting to us. It’s always a joy when we can share a common interest with our child, but there will likely be many things they enjoy that we don’t.

We can help our children feel important and valued when we listen to them talk about the things they enjoy and even participate in them. One of the worst things you can do is mock or make fun of the things your kids are interested in, even if those things seem silly to you.

Refusing to Apologize When You Mess Up

Parents are human too and we’re going to mess up from time to time. Some parents worry that apologizing will make their kids think less of them. Apologizing is never easy and it seems even more difficult when you have to apologize to your kids.

Even still, refusing to apologize when you mess up isn’t the right thing to do. Sometimes we have to lay our pride aside and show our kids that we make mistakes too. This often leads to a valuable lesson for our children and shows them that it’s okay for them to make mistakes and that even adults are still learning.

Not Giving Them Any Boundaries

Boundaries are an important part of raising healthy kids. It’s not always easy to set boundaries and stick to them, especially when your kids are little. Setting a boundary in the store with a toddler may lead to a tantrum, which is never a fun thing for a parent to experience in public.

However, refusing to set boundaries for our children can lead to disordered behavior and a lot of issues in the future. Children without boundaries will quickly learn they can get away with anything. Even though it seems like our children don’t want to have any rules, boundaries are a good thing and can help children develop empathy and self-awareness in the future.

Publicly Embarrassing Them

There are a lot of jokes online about ways that parents embarrass their kids. While it might seem harmless at times to embarrass your kids either online or in a public scenario, these scenarios can harm your child more than you realize.

Even a seemingly harmless joke can have a significant impact on your child and hurt their feelings. Before sharing a detail or story about your child in front of others, think about whether it’s something they would want other people to know. When in doubt, keep it to yourself.

Pushing Them Too Hard Academically

Your child’s academic performance can significantly impact their future. Even still, it’s important to remember that your child’s physical, mental, and emotional health is more important than their grades. 

While the intentions may be good, some parents push their kids too hard academically, which can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety for their kids. Your kids should try to do their best in school, but they need to know that it’s okay to mess up every once in a while as well. Their value and worth don’t come from their grades and every child should have the space to discover their own interests outside of school as well.

Refusing to Discipline Them

Disciplining your kids isn’t easy, but it’s a necessary part of teaching them right from wrong. Parenting styles can greatly vary and you might even have different discipline styles for each of your kids depending on what works best for them.

As challenging as it may be to discipline in a calm and loving way, refusing to discipline your child can lead to many behavior problems. A child who knows they can get away with any behavior is bound to act out. Discipline is crucial when it comes to teaching your child how they should behave and how they should treat others.

Doing Everything for Them

When our children are first born, they’re completely dependent on us as parents. Over time, they slowly start to become more independent. Even before they’re able to do most things on their own, they desire independence and try to do everything from dressing themselves to buckling themselves into their car seat.

It may be tempting to continue doing everything for your child because it makes you feel needed as a parent. However, it’s our job to slowly let go and allow our children to learn to do little things on their own. Fostering independence can boost their self-esteem and teach them many valuable lessons.

Ignoring Your Child

It may seem obvious, but our kids need us to pay attention to them, even when they’re older. Considering infants and toddlers need constant attention, it can be easy to stop paying attention to our elementary, middle, or high school-age child.

At these stages, they don’t need the same kind of attention that an infant or toddler does, but they do still need us to notice them and what they’re doing. If an older child is going through something difficult, they may not always tell us, but if we’re paying attention to them, we can usually use our intuition to tell when something is going on.